Okay so I know I’m not perfect and I really don’t have the expectations for anyone else to be perfect, (what is perfect anyways?) but I am human and I admit that consideration and common sense manners is something that I have always found to be a pretty typical easy thing to acquire over the years of living. Well apparently I was wrong. Now I’m sure there are many things over the period of a persons life that could contribute to the lack of these uncomplicated traits but I’d like to think that if you put a little itty bitty effort into something you’ll grasp the concept in no time, right? Again, apparently not in this case. I feel like a broken record on repeat everyday with this uncomfortable strain throbbing in my neck from having to relive the immediate memories of stress caused by this sad pathetic excuse of “trying.”

Ugh, okay, breathe.

So, typically I wouldn’t endure this experience much more than a first time, possibly second, but clearly that isn’t the case with this situation hence why I am here (actually) trying to find a solution to this dilemma.

***(Yes, while your over there sleeping after waking me up after I have repeatedly told you that its considerate to be quiet in the morning while another person is sleeping and talking loudly in their ear even if it is sweet nothings is still not being considerate of someone’s dream time. I am over here (after fixing you breakfast) trying to put my balance and peace of mind back into place so that we (I) can work through this (what I hope to be) dent in the can. I hope you are astral dreaming to this side of the room and your subconscious is taking clear, concise notes.)***

Since discovering that expressing myself and the way this person makes me feel has only resulted in them turning in a raging defense team teaching me yet another issue, not knowing how to take responsible for one’s actions or flaws (to simplify that means not knowing how to admit or say I’m sorry when in the wrong, ever), I have decided to opt out of using that tactic. It’s unacceptably exhausting trying to reason with someone who instead of catching the ball during catch uses a hefty lead pipe to send it at lightning speed aimed directly in between your eyes with the intent to knock you out, with hopes of no collection of calling them our on their BS. No thanks, I’ve had enough of those, credited to my family.

Killing them with kindness is another option I’ll opt out of considering I do not want to kill them and also because I really struggle with putting on a happy face when the throbbing strain in my neck is about ready to snap, crackle and pop!

So what does that leave me with? How about lots of meditation? Hmm, yeah we’re definitely going to throw that into the mix but I can’t quite admit (just yet) that I am strong enough to put a halt to a boiling teapot seconds away from screeching. How about walking away? Yeah that would be great except not when its with a person who is a repeat offender of beating a dead horse in the communication department. Once I made my refreshed return I would be bombarded exactly where we left off and I really don’t want to spend my whole days walking away, nope. At that point I’d mine as well join the padded room cliche. How about being the bigger person? Why yes now we’re getting somewhere, if only I could smack that sense into myself when that tension starts to creep up and I’m ready to shake someone silly because they yet again aren’t trying!

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Well maybe I could attempt right now to be the bigger person and think about how I might contribute to making these situations worse but first, I believe its absolutely acceptable to share with your partner (or whomever) when you are feeling annoyed, upset, irritated, pretty, etc., much any emotion that makes you physically uncomfortable because in a relationship thats called “communication.” Right? Well my partner has added a whole new spin on this form of communication. I previously shared one, the raging defense team, well lucky for me (oh joy!) there are more. Enter, stage left, Standoffish defense. Enter, stage right, Silence defense. Enter, up stage, 180 degree. And my all time favorite Enter, stage center, Reactor defense.  Before I begin being the bigger person let me explain all these defenses with examples.

Standoffish defense usually occurs after raging defense team has played long enough and tags in Silence defense which holds strong until I break it with something like, “Babe, when we get a food processor we can use the leftover pulp from the Juicer to make crackers!” (Because I am a social person and a huge nonfan of tension, I try to react but letting go of the argument, (a long enough silence gives me time to cool off) that just occurred with hopes that we can finally move forward. Oh yeah thats me trying to be the bigger person). Standoffish defense sometimes takes 30 seconds longer to counter and its usually a soft uninterested, “yeah.” or “cool.” or “mhm.” Now as a woman who learned at a young age (thank you media) that you use the phrase “I’m fine.” when your upset about something but you really aren’t ready to tell that person who upset you until they are done asking you, “whats wrong? Somethings wrong, talk to me.” and then you finally release and let em have it. Well this is exactly whats going on here except there is no release. Therefore we just a had good half hour in raging defense team mode to silence defense to standoffish denfense’s shutdown and it was all for what!? For you to carry on the rest of the day with a grudge until you attempt your next “try” just to begin again with Raging defense team?! You see how this can run a person down right?

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exxxxxxxhale.

Now lets hobble over to my favorite, Reactor defense. This one was a new/old one for me. It was new in the sense that it sort of unexpectedly threw me off initially and old when I realized, “Hey! wait a second, I’ve been here before. Hello pretty much every argument I’ve had with my mother! How awful to meet you again.” Have you ever been in a heated conversation with someone and its getting more and more intense with each reply, then you find that person yelling at you and for some reason in that moment the only rational way to get them to quiet down is by yelling over them, “Why are you yelling right now?” and they rebuttal, “I’m yelling because your yelling!” And your totally dumbfounded at how they could possibly think that you were yelling and you immediately lower your voice and they have that same dumbfounded look on their face because they also can’t believe you would accuse them of yelling first. Yeah it goes no where. Welcome Reactor defense. The first time this was brought to my attention was the day I asked, “Whats your deal?” and their response was, “I’m just reacting off you.” Oh boy was that a day to remember. All that did was create a nasty ice cold snowball effect where essentially we are both reacting off each other. One second someone is acting standoffish or sometimes just quiet the other asks, “Whats wrong.” Silence defense enters. Then the questioner turns into the standoffish and the answering becomes the questioner, “Whats wrong?” New Standoffish replies with, “I’m just reacting off of you.” Ah yes, the circus is in town and only the insane clowns showed up.

You know I’m a rather happy go lucky kind of person but for some reason when I find myself in a relationship I just run into all these completely unattractive traits they posses. It seriously disgusts. At first it was only the angry road rage yelling that disturbed me but I thought heh how often will we be in a car together? No problem, until veil was raised and the yelling was always occurring. NO matter where we were or what we were talking about. It can be really embarrassing and annoying when everyone around you can hear half of your private conversation. I finally spoke up and they expressed they were “pretty much death from serving in the Marine Corps.” Ok. I can try and let that one maybe slide every now and then. Atleast work on excepting that isn’t going to change. That was until I realized that uhm, it’s really easy to lower your voice even if you can’t hear yourself. It’s all about how much you push your words out of your mouth. Whispering is a great example of how you can control the volume of your voice. This was the beginning of the obvious holy crap this person doesn’t know how to try anything AT ALL! This was also the beginning of realizing that this person does EVERYTHING way too loud. Clearing their throat, spitting, coughing, sleeping, walking, whistling, talking on the phone (is by far the loudest), laughing, brushing teeth, singing, showering, farting (oh yeah did I mention they fart anywhere and everywhere, as if they are geese and have no control over their bowel movements) the list goes on. Now I’ve been used to living alone for a year, its usually always quiet in my apartment unless I am watching a video or listening to music which I rarely do. Having a person who does everything loud has definitely shed on a whole new light on annoyance. And this new found neck tension is really not making it anymore tolerable.

I guess I’ll just have to attempt at being the bigger person next time. For now it seems as though I’ve got a lot of purging to do.

Advertisements

Minimalist

Posted: February 4, 2012 in Minimalist, Uncategorized

So far the only thing that I have been minimizing from my life is, people. I guess you’ve got to start somewhere right? Trust me it was a surprise for me as well. I was thinking I’d start with my ridiculous amount of clothes that I’ve held onto since the preteen age, or maybe the random little knick knacks that really serve no purpose but distant memories, which I enjoy recalling every once in a great while when I attempt to organize but they do add to the clutter. But noooooo, instead it seems that the universe is telling me that the clean up I need is not of the materials in my home but the people I surround myself with. It’s been a strange experience because I have become much more aware of things, my intuition has been a force to reckon with. I can’t say I’m not grateful, because I am but it’s rather discouraging knowing that I have bad that many poor choices in who I surround myself with. I don’t want to be a skeptic when meeting new people but then again if I’m going to just allow any kind of person into my life I suppose I should be prepared for any kind of outcome. I should know by now that there aren’t many stable, reliable, consciously aware,  decent people but I still think it takes much more work to be a terrible, judgmental, self absorbed person.

Italian

Posted: November 11, 2011 in Italian, Language

French

Posted: November 11, 2011 in Language, Uncategorized

Beijing, China

Posted: November 11, 2011 in China, Chinese, Language

my family moved to Beijing back in 1996, when I was in 5th grade, and us English speaking students had to learn the language, makes sense right? Well it would’ve been awesome if  my teacher wasn’t such a unstable, controlling nut job. I usually spent that class down in the nurse’s office being “sick,”  they eventually caught on. Even though that may have had a negative effect on my learning process, I loved the language, especially writing out the characters, it was like writing in secret code. The strokes of lines in each character made it fun and felt artistic. Although now that I’m older I could see myself getting tired of how time consuming it can be. Only because I like to make it look precise and “pretty.”

I also enjoyed using the language to bargain. There was an outdoor shopping strip across from the complex we lived in, Lido Place, that had a variety of merchandise to bargain for. I used to go there often just to practice my Chinese but I always ended up leaving with some sort of souvenir. Either my skills were that good or they really just wanted the money! I think the Chinese men and women that worked there really got a kick out of watching my little brother and I, two little blonde American kids, attempt the language esp. the tones because they would always yell to their work friends to come over and listen to us. It was all in good fun though because they would help us pronounce them accurately. Or sometimes they assumed we weren’t beginners and would just carry on and on, and we had no idea what they were trying to say, it was overwhelming at times.

I will say one last thing about living in Beijing, the Chinese sure found blonde hair fascinating. My brother and I would always get stares, pointed fingers and asked if we could have our photo taken. It was like being a celebrity, except as kids we didn’t understand what was going on, it was really strange to have people come up to you and want to touch your hair. But, hey! I’ll take that over being spit on or run over by bicycles!

Unfortunately, we only lived there for a year and keeping up with the language in the States just didn’t happen. I thought I’d try to take again in College but the learning style was much different as an adult. I really just enjoyed writing in secret code, you know the characters.